I am a part of awesome health coaching and fantastic support group. I made few life changing commitments that help my health and wellness. I had few amazing mindset shifts as well. It’s more important to have a revelation that hear tons of information. I was proud of myself celebrating my progress. I never have imaging what will happens if I am out of my routine. And it’s crazy that I actually assumed that this is how my life would go “smooth sailing ”. I know life it’s full of ups and downs and this time it hit me like a truck.
Christmas holidays… I knew kids will be home from school, I knew we will have parties, food, wine and long nights. I was mentally ready and prepare to handle the stress. On Monday I had coaching call and put my commitments on the list. Next day I wanted check some of them off and my wall clock said it was Friday. I thought it was broken. Checked my phone it was Friday! I sit down in disbelief. Ok… we were busy. Out of schedule and routine… I tried to look back remembering events.
I’ve decided to take it as it is and move one. Start my commitments on Saturday. But there was another Christmas party… so it didn’t work out. I decided to start on Sunday and had wonderful day and follow through on what I said I would do. Until in evening I eat dry fish (totally Russian thing) then I eat Nutella with the spoon (typical old behavior that didn’t happened for a while). And then I eat another thing and this mix was so gross that it made me sick… just like it always does…
I had a moment where I thought to text my coach:” Tell him what’s going on he will help you to get through it.” I heard in my mind. But realization that I have to tell someone that I fail miserably did not appealed to me. I didn’t want to be judge by anyone, specially people I am accountable to. I refuse the thought of reaching out to my community for support as well. I decided to do it on my own.
My flesh said eat and I did. One thing was different thought. I asked myself: “Why are you doing this? I know it’s not about food.” Through coaching I figure it out that “emotional eating “my default mode for dealing with problems. Before I would just find an excuse and play victim because I was poor and starving in my childhood and I would allow myself to stay there. Now I have skills and tools to ask myself right question. “What is the problem?” “Stress” would be my first response. But usually it’s bigger than that. I dig deep. I don’t like how I feel. Sick and tired.
I knew exactly what’s going on. Changes, although I like them, in the begging they set me in fear/panic mode. 2020 is coming, decisions have to be made, relationships have to be healed. I had business opportunity, but I had no peace about it, I had power struggle with my almost teen daughter. And it hurt me. All I wanted is to run and hide… “that’s why I eat” I thought, and it became clear. I know what I want. I want peace, I want progress, I want improvement. I made decision and follow my gut. I reach out to my health coach and pour out my failures on him. And he said:” I am proud of you.” Because in his eyes it was a success. Life its not about perfect but how fast you can get up after curve ball of events and circumstances. I know it was a week, but I am glad it’s not three months. I am back on truck. My advice to you:
IF YOU STUCK REACH OUT- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Live & Learn.
God bless and all the best in 2020.