I have this dilemma… A couple of years ago I closed my salon, if you want to know full story, read my previous blog called “End of a Dream” or listen to my podcast with the same name (I will post the link at the bottom). I never imagined that after 20 years of silence, that this is what I would be doing; publishing my spiritual autobiography, hosting a podcast, and writing a blog. I had my dream, my path, and I worked long and hard to make it reality… and when I achieved it, there was no peace, no joy, no contentment, no satisfaction, just a grind. I heard this in my mind over and over: “This is not the work you should be doing…” It took a while to get through my fears and limited beliefs. But God, so patient and so gracious, kept reminding me that I’d been created for more, and there was a big change.
I felt and “saw” clear direction to write my book and to launch a podcast. I wrote my manuscript, hired an editor, publisher and took a course to learn the ins and outs of this awesome and new part of social media platform. I believe I was made to do this job, and I love it so much! I love sharing my story to encourage, inspire and to give hope. That there is a chance to have a love, joy, peace and wholeness again after everything you’ve seen and done! I love hearing and sharing my guests’ stories of overcoming. I believe it’s very important to share these testimonies. It helps to know that we are not isolated in our struggles and it can be incredibly comforting and helpful to someone who’s going through it right now.
I am an ambivert. I make friends easily. I am confident, intelligent, communicative and easy to get along with. I have respect, passion and integrity, (and I am queen of editing). It’s like magic, my English becomes so much better… I love to talk, but now I find so much value in listening. I feel so at ease, comfortable and confident doing this work. I have peace and joy.
Then something happened that shook my world again. I support a non-profit organization a temporary home for women and children in times of need. I am doing fundraising, creating awareness and selling my book. I am part of an accountability coaching group that helped me to make an amazing health transformation. In the same week, I got the offer from both of these organizations to be more involved. After long consideration and thinking, “what if” fear kicked in: “I cannot be busy again”. I felt uneasy. I am so honored to be asked, but so reluctant to accept. Before I would jump at the opportunity, but that was before I had an experience of spreading myself thin and I don’t want to repeat the past. I’ve learned.
For a couple of days, I was marinating in my own thoughts, that lead to nowhere good. I prayed. I have peace but not “called” or “lead”. I asked my confidants for advice, and it was 50/50. Some were saying: “You will add value because of your life experience.” Some were saying: “Be careful, don’t get too much on your plate, don’t get burnout like before.” I agree with both. “So, what to do? What am I afraid of?” I kept asking myself, and the word “comfortable” started to pop up here and there. But God didn’t call me to be comfortable. He called me to serve, to love and to add value. Both of these places are doing just that, and it’s completely aligned with my path.
When I shared my fears with my husband he said: “You got burnout before because you worked for yourself, now you will be serving, that’s different. But no pressure, you have a freedom to choose”.
I kept asking God to speak to me and make it clear. Then my 8-year-old daughter started reading to me stories from this book, 100 Extraordinary Stories of Prayer for Courageous Girls, Unforgettable Tales of Women of Faith. It’s an amazing book of real people who continued to serve, despite their hardships. I opened my bible and these verses in Isaiah 40:29-31 read: “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” I know that if I take care of God’s people, He will take care of me. He has done a marvelous job transforming and shaping my life. I trust Him. So, new venture, here I come! Not by my strength but by the power of Jesus Christ. Prayer, faith and trust in God will always replace and overpower my fear of burnout.
Stay healthy. Stay safe. Love&BLoved.
My podcast link: